I can overcome.

By November 9, 2013 To be honest 7 Comments
ute-hill-run

// Warning: This is a pretty honest post. I’ve included it in my “To Be Honest” category because, to be honest, I hate when people say that. I mean, it pretty much categorizes everything they said before that point as questionable. Haha. So, this category and post is dedicated those “to be honest” peeps. You know who you are. Honestly! //

Those of you who know me know that I’m a pretty confident person—I make quick decisions, I’m an aggressive (but safe) driver, I’m a strong leader, I have a level head on my shoulders, I shake hands with a firm grip, and I look people in the eye when I’m talking to them.

But that’s just a facade.

Those of you who REALLY know me know that I’m extremely insecure about myself. For whatever reason, I grew up thinking very poorly of the way I looked, acted, and performed. I was never that good in school—Bs and Cs primarily. I was good at sports but wasn’t ever coach’s favorite. I was called “M’am” at the drive-through more times than I can count due to my high voice. I thought all men were six feet tall… I never got here. I was an okay singer but never good enough to be called an “artist.” I have a super weird way of walking and, no surprise to you, I’ve never been able to clearly communicate using the English language. // shakes head //

Ugh.

As stupid as those examples sound, I will tell you they drew a lot of tears over the years and helped pen shoeboxes full of angry letters to God. But to be honest // see, there it is //, I still have all of those insecurities today. Nothing’s changed in that regard. But what has changed is how I let those insecurities own my life.

Over the past few months I’ve gained a new look on life. I’ve realized I don’t have to be be bound by average. I don’t have to play second chair trumpet my entire life. With hard work and dedication I’m good enough for first chair. So, part of this triathlon venture is to aid in my insecurity healing process and to help me defeat my fear of inadequacy.

I can do whatever I put my mind to. I’m going to tell my coaches that I don’t want to just finish this triathlon. I want to compete and do well. So to be honest, screw you insecurities!

I can overcome.

7 Comments

  • rachel says:

    I don’t know you, but this is an incredibly well written blog, that I think, well, many of us could have written, but never will. You are not alone. I bet you are an incredible person to know. For starters, not many people are mature enough, wise enough, or what have you; to even recognize most of this about themselves. And then it takes a whole other level to see it, process it and then tell the world. You will rock this entire journey. It’s just a hunch, but I bet you may be the hardest worker on the team. I look forward to following the triventure! #alreadyanovercomer

    • Chris says:

      Hi Rachel! What a super sweet message you sent me. Thank you. There’s no doubt that, when times get hard on this journey, I will come back to your message and read it again and again.

      How did you run across my blog?

      Have a great day!
      Chris

      • rachel says:

        Google. Of course. I am, or was, thinking of doing some form of this type of athletic competing next year, but think I may have changed my mind. Not quite over MY insecurities yet. Read your entire blog in one sitting. I’m sure I’ll be back.

        • Chris says:

          Rachel, I don’t think we’ll ever be “over” our insecurities. I’m not. Like I said in this post it’s all about how I’m choosing to handle them now. I’m hoping this journey will help. And then the next journey after that. And the one after that. 😉

          So go for it. We only live once!

  • Thea Smith says:

    Chris!! Haven’t seen you in ages but I love reading these updates. I wish you all the best in this awesome venture. Those who don’t walk oddly in public are odd at home and there are many who think they’re an “artist” who are lousy expressionists :) It’s our oddities that make us unique and valuable and we are all much more similar than we are different. Lots of love to you friend!

    • Chris says:

      Thea!!! It’s so great to hear from you. Thank you for your super kind comment. You’re right—we’re all so unique and each have our own quirks that make us “special.” Growing up I would always think, “How is it that I’m fine with everyone else’s quirks but can’t accept my own?” Who knows. I guess it’s part of what keeps me longing for a perfect heaven one day. Thanks again for following along on my journey. I just saw your blog as well and am looking forward to catching up on your life and your absolutely GORGEOUS family. :)

      Chris