// Warning: This is a pretty honest post. I’ve included it in my “To Be Honest” category because, to be honest, I hate when people say that. I mean, it pretty much categorizes everything they said before that point as questionable. Haha. So, this category and post is dedicated those “to be honest” peeps. You know who you are. Honestly! //
Those of you who know me know that I’m a pretty confident person—I make quick decisions, I’m an aggressive (but safe) driver, I’m a strong leader, I have a level head on my shoulders, I shake hands with a firm grip, and I look people in the eye when I’m talking to them.
But that’s just a facade.
Those of you who REALLY know me know that I’m extremely insecure about myself. For whatever reason, I grew up thinking very poorly of the way I looked, acted, and performed. I was never that good in school—Bs and Cs primarily. I was good at sports but wasn’t ever coach’s favorite. I was called “M’am” at the drive-through more times than I can count due to my high voice. I thought all men were six feet tall… I never got here. I was an okay singer but never good enough to be called an “artist.” I have a super weird way of walking and, no surprise to you, I’ve never been able to clearly communicate using the English language. // shakes head //
As stupid as those examples sound, I will tell you they drew a lot of tears over the years and helped pen shoeboxes full of angry letters to God. But to be honest // see, there it is //, I still have all of those insecurities today. Nothing’s changed in that regard. But what has changed is how I let those insecurities own my life.
Over the past few months I’ve gained a new look on life. I’ve realized I don’t have to be be bound by average. I don’t have to play second chair trumpet my entire life. With hard work and dedication I’m good enough for first chair. So, part of this triathlon venture is to aid in my insecurity healing process and to help me defeat my fear of inadequacy.
I can do whatever I put my mind to. I’m going to tell my coaches that I don’t want to just finish this triathlon. I want to compete and do well. So to be honest, screw you insecurities!
I can overcome.